Letter to my daughter

Dear Patz,

“Namaste” – the God in me greets the God in you. This is how I want to greet you everyday but lately I have been missing you. Since I was assigned somewhere (though weekly umuuwi), I am entrusting to your care our household and your sister. I am so blessed to have you as my daughter, so responsible, level-headed and with common sense. I have no qualms in accepting this position far from you and Valerie because I trust that you can handle any situation.

I remember the day you were born. I am in labor for more than 12 hours and my water broke for that long time that I had a hard time bringing you out of this world. As first birthing, it was not only hard and painful, I was full of doubts. I was thinking, will I survive this ordeal, I felt I died several times every time I tried to push you out of my womb, you would not want to come out, that’s why you had a conical  head because I can’t push continually. Just when I thought of giving up, you decided to see the light of day and that was when I lost consciousness.

When I woke up I did not see you, you are in the nursery, I talked to your Daddy who said you are doing good but you looked like an alien. No, he did not tell me that, that was how I thought when I saw you, so small and with pointed head, skinny like the alien who wants to phone home. You were born before the regular nine months but you are so strong. I am not; I bleed profusely and had to be brought to the delivery room again. Dra. Oray the one who helped me deliver you was already out of the hospital. A male doctor was the one who attended to me, he is a very good doctor (reason for my preference to male ob-gyne). I stayed long in the delivery room, the stiches were taken out and the doctor removed the remnants in my uterus, it turn out that I was not totally cleaned of those which should go with the baby when born. I have to be cleaned and re-stitched.

Meanwhile, I was praying that I be allowed to live, I felt like dying but I fought with all my will. I talked to God to let me live to take care of you. Your father was pacing outside and nobody can talk sense to him, he was so worried that something might happen to me, thinking worse that like those who bleed after delivery, I might not make it alive. God is so good that I lived to take care of you. You are the most wonderful thing (shall I say person) I behold in my whole life.

I cannot comprehend how I felt towards you, Inay told me to sleep when we are home in Batangas  when I fully recovered because I cannot sleep, I only want to look at you. I extended my maternity leave of two months, I filed leave for another month, I do not know what to do with you. It is true what they say, “ni ayaw padapuan sa lamok”, I learned how to watch out for mosquitoes and learned the art of catching and killing mosquitoes. That is not so hard, believe me. What was hard was when I had to leave you to go to work.

Inay was so protective of you that you did not learn how to cross the street. It was such a feat when you attended kindergarten and cross the street on your own. You are so afraid, I can feel that and look at you now, you were able to travel to another country alone (okay with your class, not really alone) but that was another milestone in your independence. I am now confident you can handle anything. You are not so confident sometimes, but you do not renege on your promises or anything you said you would do. I am so proud of you my dear daughter! I love you very much and you will always be my baby.

If you are doubting in anything, remember that “Imagination is Everything” said Albert Einstein.

The power of imagination is that anything is possible, with God nothing is impossible. Why do I always connect with God? Human beings were created in His likeness as children of God. I am not overly religious but I believe that if God willed it, it will happen. But you have to imagine it first, create a compelling image in your mind and whatever you imagine, you can achieve. God bless you always my Nini/Pia/Patz/Patita.

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